Woman Kicks Mother-in-Law Out After She Rearranges Her Baby's Nursery, Unknowingly Creating Potential Safety Hazards: 'You put your grandchild at risk!'

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  • 01
    r/Amlthe u/Aggravating Scar7518 • 15h AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery?
  • 02
    So I (26F) am currently 32 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband Felix's (27M) first child. Things have been going well and one of the great things is that Felix is a builder and so everything with the nursery went pretty smoothly pretty fast! We agreed at the start what kind of vibe we wanted to go with it and it's pretty much already done. Figured that we'd get it sorted as soon as possible so it wasn't another thing to worry about later.
  • 03
    My MIL has always been a bit of a nightmare but has been better since the news that I'm pregnant (though not without issue - for example, she told me that I should "lose some weight" and that it wasn't "heathy" for me or the baby. She knows that I used to struggle with anorexia and I'm not any sort of unhealthy weight). In the past I've kept my mouth shut and let Felix deal with her. As the nursery has almost been completed, she's suddenly decided to invite herself around more - I work from home
  • 04
    I know this sounds stupid but once she literally bought an IKEA bag full of stuff that she put in there. It doesn't match. But I've never said anything really beyond, "Oh, thanks so much for the thought" etc. Yesterday when she came around uninvited, she looked me up and down and said "Really? Joggers? Thank god Felix isn't here" and then walked into the nursery and started asking me where the pillow she'd put in the crib had gone, why I'd taken out the fairylights hanging on the wall right by i
  • 05
    She started with, "Oh, well, I've had three children" and "I really think you should take more of my advice" and then looked me in the eyes and said "You're really not going to be a good mother at this rate". I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones but I just stared at her for a moment and then told her to get out of the house. I'd been up all night and had loads of work and wasn't in the mood. She got very uptight about it and then left.
  • 06
    Felix says he's going to talk to her and tell her that she shouldn't be reorganising anything without our permission, but I don't know if it was just the hormones and I'm being unreasonable. AITA? 7,840 1,010 D D
  • 07
    NTA Trick_Delivery4609 Certified Proctolog st [25] • 15h Felix needs to put down a LOT more boundaries: • no more popping by when he isn't around. She has to ask him to come over and can only do so when he says yes and he is there.
  • 08
    -no more talk about your health or weight, EVER. -no redecorating or moving ANYTHING in your house. I'm sure there need to be more. This is to get you started with him. He needs to protect you and your child. Reply 4 13.9k
  • 09
    2dogslife • 14h Ahle Enthusiast [9] That was my thinking - no MIL without her child there to intervene. Also, WFH? I did it for over a decade and the focus is WORK. OP's paycheck depends on her focus on work tasks. Someone dropping in during your workday is a huge distraction - beyond the fact that she's being cagey with the nursery.
  • 10
    Going forward, she's NEVER ever allowed over during your work hours. She's only allowed over when your husband is home and you have advance notice.
  • 11
    Honestly, baby safety changes in the blink of an eye. Obviously humans are far from endangered, but bad things happen, society learns from the tragedy of others, and new rules come into play. It's ridiculous to say, "Well, I raised three..." Well, sure you did, and I am sure that when she raised her three, she paid attention to all the safety advice out there at the time of her raising kids. ... ← 173
  • 12
    oberlinmom • 12h Part ipant [1] My MIL raised 9. Safety concerns were not big back then, but like you said tragedy happens and people learn. My MIL was always on top of the latest safety issues. Her kids were having kids and she didn't want us handing down older equipment that was now considered hazardous.
  • 13
    OP I'm surprised it took this log for you to snap. I'd have gone off on her long ago no additional hormones needed. Stop being polite and nice. She doesn't seem to recognize rules of decorum. You shouldn't need to if she's so rude. 98
  • 14
    Temporary_Analysis55 15h • , change the locks to your house if she has a key, stop letting her come over whenever she wants, and make her leave the second she insults you. Zero tolerance for her is the only way. Your husband is married to you, not her. He needs to tell her to smarten up. Reply 380
  • 15
    Mobile_Following_198 • 15h Ahle Aficionado [19] NTA. Your MIL is a huge one though. You deserve better treatment, and you advocating for yourself doesn't make you an AH. Also, remember - if she's treating you this way, she could treat your children this way too, especially little girls since the comments she made were rooted in misogyny. Take care. Reply 1.1k
  • 16
    Emergency-Volume-861 • 14h She'd be giving her potential grand daughters an eating disorder too, trust me, my mother told me at 12 years of age I had "thunder thighs" when I showed her my new khaki boot cut jeans. I'm 38 now and that still lives rent free in my head and if my grandmother had done it instead it still would have stuck with me, maybe in a different worse way. The MIL is trying to stage a takeover too mark my words, this is the starting behavior. 333
  • 17
    Aggravating_Scar7518 OP 12h That's awful, I'd go ballistic if someone said something like that to my kid. Some people really don't get it. Thank you both :) 201
  • 18
    br_612.12h Why on earth have you been letting her in while you're working? Like it's all well and good to leave most of the corralling to your husband, but you absolutely can, and should, set boundaries too. If you're the only one home, you're the only one to enforce them. You can't just let her waltz all over you and follow it up with a soft shoe number just because he isn't home. You've been a complete doormat. Grow a spine girl. ... 127
  • 19
    Aggravating Scar7518 OP 12h • I get your point. She was given a key a while ago when Felix and I went on holiday so that she could come in to feed our cat. Didn't ask for it back because neither of us foresaw this happening. I didn't feel like completely burning a bridge and blowing up at a woman that is literally going to be related to me by law for the rest of my life. Hope this helps clear up any confusion. ← ☆ 70
  • 20
    Prudent-Reserve4612 11h Time to get that key back. Have your husband tell her she needs to stop going over during the day while you're working, and get the key. Or just change the locks in case she made a copy. He needs to have a chat with her about how disrespectful she is to you, and let her know her input in child rearing is out of the question. 122
  • 21
    Aggravating Scar7518 OP 11h • Thanks for the advice :) I think we're going to change the locks for peace of mind. 132
  • 22
    NTA Choice-Emphasis9048 15h As a soon to be grandparent, with 4 grown children that I have raised. I am well aware that things have changed in terms of parenting and safe environments for babies. So, I am reading up on current parenting research, ask questions and making notes of the parent's preferences.
  • 23
    I will admit, it takes a lot of self-discipline to not go ham and buy every baby item I come across. But I remember being the new mom and wanting things done a certain way. I intend to respect the new parent's preferences as well. Reply 281

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